So what do you get when you take seven loads of laundry, six bad colds, five sleepless nights, four doctor co-pays, three hacking coughs, two days with no heat and one kid with strept and smoosh them all together? I won't make you guess, I wouldn't do that to you. I'll just tell you. You get a very cranky mommy who has not been able to write for days and has all these ideas and crazy run-on sentences swirling around in her head.
Let's go back to last Tuesday night when this all started. My eldest came home from school with fever, We motrin-ed him up and put him to bed. Then we turned our attention to the sink which was clogged. Yes, again. Apparently all my baking-soda-and-vinegar bragging has come back to bite me in the plunger. And if you have been following along, all that will have just made sense to you. If you haven't been, you can catch up here.
What to do? That sink thinks it can get the best of us, but it hasn't met Josh with a new tool. Sometimes I think he wishes that things like this happen around the house just so he can say that he must take a trip to Lowe's after work. Lowe's for him is kind of like Michael's for me. Except that Michael's has stuff that I want for like a buck and Lowe's does not sell anything for a dollar that Josh wants. Except maybe a soda - and not even that, cause those sodas they sell at the checkout line are cold and cold sodas are always more than a dollar.
Anyway, back to the kitchen, there was no way we were going to call a plumber for a clogged sink. Josh would rather deconstruct the entire pipe that leads from the sink through the cabinet and out the back of the house before he calls a plumber. And you know what, with the fee for just coming to take a look being somewhere around $150, I understand that. So to make a long story into a shorter story, we are now the proud owners of a drum auger. And if the word auger sounds vaguely familiar, it is because the name of the plumber on Curious George is Mr. Auger. Quite clever, if you ask me.
So what the heck is a drum auger? I won't make you guess that either. A drum auger is a very long plastic kind of bendy hose thing with a coil at the end. Except it's not a hose in the sense that anything comes through it. I'm pretty sure it's solid on the inside. Ours is black, it's very slimming. When you hold it, you look ten pounds lighter. How's that for a description. Maybe a picture would help. Here's one:
It took a while, but eventually Josh gave that pipe a colonoscopy. With power tools. Oh, did I mention that this particular drum auger can be attached to a power drill, making it all the more exciting to use. When the power drill is turned on, it rotates the drum auger and kind of forces it through the pipe. Then you (Josh) retract the whole contraption by making the drill spin the other way. I had no idea that was even possible. The magic of power tools. The whole thing was really, so very very disgusting, and yet at the same time, so entertaining. I couldn't leave the kitchen, no matter how much I wanted to run away screaming.
Eventually, everything - and when I say everything, I really really mean everything came out of that pipe and the water ran down the drain without stopping. The dirty water that was inside the pipe and dragged back out by the drum auger was also all over the floor. Josh had placed a catch basin under the open pipe, but it apparently did not work.
I saw the semi-flood on the floor, and well, the conversation went something like this:
Me: What happened?
Josh: The catch basin didn't catch the stuff.
Me: Catch basin. Is that the official term for it?
Josh: No, the official term is s*#t bucket. You wanna get some paper towels?
I retreated from the vicinity of the defective catch basin and brought back some paper towels.
So yes, a wonderful opportunity presented itself for someone (and by someone I do not mean me) to mop the floor at 11pm. Mop, put away the tools and time for bed. The three days worth of dishes that piled up while we were debating the merits of purchasing said drum auger would have to wait till the next day.
And so Josh took his auger (they're close, he doesn't need to call the auger by both names anymore) down to the tool room and introduced him to all his new roomates. I can't say for sure, but I think the auger is happy in his new home.
And just so you know, Josh thoughtfully offered to let his pants ride down a little in the back for the pictures. Just to make his whole role-as-plumber-guy most authentic. You know, just a little something for my fans. And, that's a direct quote.
Are you a Mom?
Of course you are,
your shirt is dirty :)